Warning: emotions revealed

Wow, hard to believe I'm just three weeks away now (IF baby is keeping a schedule book), all this time and waiting and going through the spectrum of emotional responses (shock, joy, fear, anxiety, disbelief, excitement, acceptance, balance - in that order) and it's really going to happen soon. It's strange how things turn out, I mean this little guy was a complete surprise, sort of a pregnancy against the odds in more ways than one, but I can't imagine what I would be doing now if he wasn't part of me, if I wasn't preparing for something that is completely new to me yet somehow feels totally natural.  Aside from being stressed at work, physically tired, and subconsciously unsettled about bringing a life into a world I believe is utterly irrational, I'm ready. I'm ready to graduate from the life I had before and I'm ready to give myself completely and surrender all my selfness for this great powerful love. I know that some days will be rewarding and other days will be devastating, it will definitely be challenging, and it will most certainly be fascinating and hilarious too.

It's hard to really explain this but this fetus/baby/cantaloupe already has a personality, he is determined and strong, he has a sense of identity and confidence, and he has a sense of humor and curiosity. Of course I only want the best for him, but by his very unfortunate nature of being a member of the human race, he will suffer and yearn and somehow always be searching for something that is just barely out of reach - don't we all? Anyway, I'm rambling or something, existential reflections on life and being a pre-person person. All I can do is observe his positive natural tendencies and foster their growth, to me that's what being a good parent is all about. I can't teach him how to live or tell him that he shouldn't go out with dumb girls named Heather who chew their gum too loud (although, admittedly, I will probably try), but I can show him that being a good and kind person is all that really matters in this world and hope that he becomes one. For that, I'm ready.