Butterball Baby

I gotta say, the last few weeks elliot's been looking like that weight has finally caught up with his tiny body and now he's a fat little round baby with a big double chin and a belly that sometimes hangs over his diaper. I'll take that to mean he's perfectly healthy and maybe we're done with the growth spurts for a little while (which, in case you didn't know, usually involves a lot more eating and waking up in the night). He's starting to do more and more like holding objects, squirming his body around, and making new noises. He can roll over back to belly but not quite the other way around just yet, but I think so far it's really just because he simply hasn't had the need. He realizes that doing stuff on his own is much more belly-oriented so he's really just a pragmatist :) He's also drooling a lot, especially when he's doing something that requires effort, you know he's really thinking if you have to wipe his chin at least once a minute.

Oh, and we also noticed that he has a bit of an occasional lazy eye, it's barely noticeable except you can tell a little bit that one eye is a bit off, although sometimes it looks like the right one and other times the left one. We'll ask the pediatrician but according to the internet it's not uncommon and usually corrects itself by 1 year of age. I guess it's just too much world too quickly for a brand new brain.
This kid, I can't put into words how much I love him, he's just so cute and happy, most of the time, and even when he's fussy and testing my patience it's impossible to ever be anything but in complete adoration of this little person that seemingly came out of nowhere and gave a whole new purpose to my life. I enjoy trying to understand him, anticipate his moods and desires, and though generally my best reward is minimal fussiness and maximum smiling that's plenty satisfying as return communication on his part that he thinks i'm pretty cool too.

Working continues to be difficult and I feel like a zombie for most of the day because he still wakes me up at around 5am and then I have a full day at the office, followed by occasional physical therapy after work, and I rush home to nurse and bathe and put him to sleep, then I have a very small of time in the evening before I go to bed by 10 - usually spent on cleaning up, preparing a lunch for the next day, and doing my physical therapy exercises (oh yeah, still recovering from the birth 3 1/2 months later!). Although we're still pretty exhausted most of the time, it is getting a little easier now that he can chill for small amounts of time on his own, either in his gym or just propped up with a pillow and a toy. I know when he starts crawling we'll have to chase him around to make sure he doesn't hurt himself or eat random stuff so for now i'm enjoying his stationaryness.

Shnookums rolled over!

Breaking news! Elliot is officially rolling over completely on his own, and now that he's figured out how to do it he wants to do it all the time! Also, he got weighed last week and guess how much he weighs, just guess, I bet you'd never guess that a 3-month can already weigh over 17lbs, well yes he can!! 17lbs. 6oz. as of last Friday, and this week he seems to be having a growth spurt too, he's waking up in the middle of the night again because he's hungry (that's extra fun now that I'm working and have NO chance of making up for it with a nap). I'm pretty sure his natural state of growth is what most other babies experience as spurts, what he has are growth lags.
Not only is he rolling over but once he does it is very obvious that he's trying to crawl. Of course he doesn't get anywhere because he can't support his own weight yet but he's just so full of energy and concentration. From above it kind of looks like a frog swimming in place, except with no rhythm because his limbs are just flailing every which way. This exciting new skill is also nice for mom and dad because we can leave him on a blanket on the floor and he keeps himself fully entertained, with no worry yet that he'll hurt himself or eat something he shouldn't.

Someone asked me recently what I call him aside from Elliot so here's a little list of my favorites: Shnookums, poopypants, crankypants, milkyface, monkey, smiley, honeybunny, funnyface, cutiepie, smelliot, jellybelly, ellie, shmoopy, drooly, and sometimes just plain 'ol baby. I don't know what it is about baby referencing but I always tend to use a name that describes his current state, like smiley or drooly or milky, I wonder if that's some psychological evolutionary wiring because it helps the baby develop a sense of self? Who knows, but calling him just Elliot all the time would definitely get pretty boring if that was my only option.

Back to work

Well despite my best efforts at freezing time I did finally return to work and you know, I survived, it wasn't that bad. Of course I missed Elliot and thought of him all day but I wasn't overwhelmed with emotional yearning, it was more the drudgery of office work that made me wish I wasn't there. Plus the constant pumping. I thought I would be ok with doing it twice during the work day but apparently nature didn't get the memo that I'm not connected to my baby 24/7 anymore and I've had to do it 3 times a day. Aside from the fact that it's just annoying to have to do that so often, it takes me away from actually doing work and I have a pretty busy job so I definitely see conflicts in my future.

I'd say the second week is harder than the first for me, it's really starting to sink in that missing my child is just going to be a constant feeling and there's something unjust and sad about that. I'm starting to notice him growing now, I mean I can actually see it, I feel like he's already bigger tonight than he was this morning! Plus I have this nagging paranoia that he'll forget me, or that subconsciously he feels abandoned and he'll have deep-rooted resentment towards me for the rest of his life. I know, it's fine, especially because he still has his dad all day, but still, these are the things that swirl around in my mind.

I suppose I'll just have to get used to it. But it's not easy balancing work and motherhood, though no one ever said it would be, I always feel like there's so much to do and though I'm doing things all day I get hardly anything done. The best part of the day for me is in the morning when I'm nursing Elliot, he's so warm and sleepy and sweet, he nurses without fussing and I can just stare at him and be 100% present, plus he's usually very smiley and happy when he's done so that gives me just enough fuel to get through the day until I get to see him again.

The fact that he's home with Josh and not in daycare makes things easier for sure, I can rest easy knowing he's in good hands and that goes a long way. In case you're wondering how Josh is handling being a SAHD (stay at home dad), well I think he's doing great, really really great. I knew he'd be a wonderful father so there's no surprises there, but being alone with a baby all day, day after day after day, plus cooking and cleaning up, well its hard and lets just say I had my doubts. But so far he's doing amazing and this whole parenting experiment is working out (actually, haha, he's complaining about how cranky the baby was today on the phone as I type, well no one ever said we can't complain!).

There's definitely something to be said about a man and his boy-child. They have such a connection it just melts my heart, I can't wait to watch them participate in all sorts of father/son activities as Elliot grows up.

Other updates about stuff Elliot does: He watches TV, I mean you know we're not the type of parents who use TV as a substitute for actual parenting but sometimes we're just worn out and we put it on ok? so don't judge! We just want him to chill quietly sometimes and he seems to do that pretty well on the couch, propped up with a pillow, facing the tube. I guess it's the colors and sounds that he's trying to make sense of, I don't know, but the few moments of respite it offers is just too tempting to deny, until the guilt kicks in and then we're back to walking him around, playing the piano, standing on our heads, whatever it takes! Also, apparently he can hold his bottle for a bit of time with his tiny hands and he even knows he has to tilt it to get more milk out. I haven't seen this yet because I obviously don't use the bottle with him, but he does sort of hold my boob sometimes when he eats so I believe it. What else.. he hates taking baths all of a sudden. He used to just be ok with it but now he cries a terrible shrieking cry the entire time like I'm torturing him! Oh also, he can sort of sit up now. It's funny because if you put him on the couch just propped up with a little pillow he has the strength to pull himself up but then he just flops to the side all hunched over like a drunk man. There's lots of things he does that can be compared to a drunk man actually. But the funniest thing he does is fart when he's straining or when he's sleeping. Sometimes he farts at just the perfect moment, like when a punchline is delivered in a jokey sentence. I'm usually not one for thinking farting is funny, but it's definitely funny when a baby does it. Ok, well, more updates to come.