Recovery

Well it's been a week and I'm starting to feel better, although my body will still surprise me with nausea, windedness, soreness, and sudden exhaustion when I try to do too much (too much being taking a walk on the same day that I didn't get enough sleep or have a hardy enough breakfast).
But for anyone curious about what happens to a body after birth, here's my experience:

• The pooch leftover after the baby is out sort of looks like a weird flabby 4 1/2 month pregnant belly and it has been slowly shrinking daily though I still don't have any muscle tone feeling from the outside and my linea nigra is still there.
• Weakness and soreness that involves a funny walk, random exhaustion that just makes me have to lay down.
• I had bleeding sort of like a heavy period but with clots of blood that is now starting to lighten.
• Due to the stitching I had a lot of soreness in the perineum area and had to use a special spray bottle when I peed to keep the area clean, I also had to take stool softeners so that my poop wouldn't hurt too much coming out that first week.
• Since my tailbone was either severely bruised or fractured, and still really hurts, it's been really uncomfortable to stand, sit, or shift my lower body, that coupled with the stitching has just kept that whole area really tender and uncomfortable.
• My milk came in pretty quick by the third day and my boobs were HUGE that day!! They were super tender and hard, like bowling balls, but it was funny to see the baby drunk on the milk, he was so happy and satisfied that day. 

• The baby nurses ALOT, I mean practically all the time, and while I'm getting accustomed to the right way to position him to avoid soreness it hasn't been easy. A baby sucking is not like a tender lick from your lover, he really chomps down and my baby is a confirmed 'clamper' meaning that he has no sympathy and I've had some hard and painful days with nipple soreness and bleeding.
• Due to the frequent nursing where I basically have to sit and not move until he's done, sometimes for over an hour at a time with a short break followed by another half an hour, I've been having a lot of back pain and neck stiffness.
• General exhaustion from erratic sleep, frequent nursing, the heat, and not always eating enough (I have to consume a lot more calories but it's hard to find the time to eat!) I have been having frequent headaches of the pounding variety.

The hardest part overall is really the combination of all of the above, and while if Josh is tired he can basically go to bed and tune out, the baby doesn't really care if I'm tired when he's hungry and I'm the only one who can nurse him so I just have to shut up and get up no matter what. 

Of course despite all of that, it's all totally worth it, it's pretty amazing being a mom and what it truly means to me is surrender and sacrifice, all I want to do is give myself to him completely and all the pain disappears when I look at his calm sleeping face.