The Babymoon

Ah, sweet relaxation with my buddhalicious belly. Because I'm saving my vacation time to add on to a too-short maternity leave, I haven't had a vacation this year, but I permitted myself to extend the long weekend for a much needed escape and a chance to have some special alone time with Josh before our world is turned upside down. We definitely got a chance to unwind in New Hampshire, we hiked (no peaks, let's call it a long walk in the woods), we canoed (well, I was canoed), we played miniature golf, and oh yeah, we got officially engaged. Hello! Mom and Dad will be bonafide after all little fetus, and you'll be at the wedding! Our plan is to city hall it sometime soon and have a real fiesta next summer. 

In preggo news, I was reading in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding a section about breast massage and generally about preparing for breastfeeding and decided to try a little massage and my C and U holds, why not? You would too! Well I'm glad to announce my hooters appear to be in good shape because the massage quickly released a few drops of colostrum! This is a clear fluid that develops before a mother's milk comes in and provides a newborn with valuable antibodies. Well I wasn't shocked it happened, but still you can imagine me shrieking and yelling for Josh 'babe, my nipples are leaking!' I promised I wouldn't spare the embarrassing details so here you go people, leaky nips! (well, they're not just leaking on their own, there was some provocation, it is sort of reassuring though that all the proper mechanics seem to be in place).

Now that we're approaching the home stretch, I'm starting to really get antsy about all the things that still need to be done, this week's task is to schedule meeting a couple of pediatricians in the neighborhood. Baby is going to need a check-up a few days after birth, and then again and again after that, so we have to have a good one lined up and ready. I won't even get started on the home arrangement that definitely needs to happen. Are we going to paint? Where are we going to put everything? And what about narrowing down that list of names? Oy-vey! One thing at a time.

Meeting with my midwife

Now that I've found a great midwife I feel so relieved to have a caregiver who is truly that, a professional who cares. My average visit with my OB before I made the switch would entail 45 minutes of waiting in a waiting room, another 10 minutes waiting in the exam room, and 7 minutes with the doctor. My average visit with my midwife entails her coming over to my apartment on a saturday afternoon and staying for an hour or longer, discussing any questions I have and generally speaking about pregnancy and birth, listening to the baby's heartbeat, and gently feeling the position of the baby as she greets him warmly when he responds to her touch with a kick hello.

It's wonderful to be able to form a trusting relationship with someone who will play such a crucial role in probably the most personal and important experience of my life. I'll still give birth in a hospital but she'll be there to communicate my wishes to hospital staff and I will be able to relax knowing that whatever comes up I can rely on her to be honest, informative, and act with my best interest at heart.

She estimates that the baby is now about 3 pounds and says he is very healthy, active, and responsive. He might even end up an 8-pounder! He is also in the right position with the head down and facing inward, although there is still time for him to flip all around and he certainly does so but it's good to know that he's generally comfortable exactly as he'll need to be when it's time for the big day.
I also told her how I've been experiencing some occasional sudden back pain with mild cramplike internal feelings and she said that's ok, to watch out for other signs of preterm labor, and that generally I'm going to start feeling more and more uncomfortable more often. The golden second trimester is over for sure and now I'm in the sprint to the finish, or more of a crawl actually. Only two months to go!

He's dancin' out of that womb

Lately I feel more and more that ol' butternuts (squash reference, see below) is growing and developing his bones because the kicks and movements aren't just stronger, but bonier. I can identify the occasional heel or elbow these days and generally more poked from the inside, sometimes my whole body even recoils a little when there is a particularly energetic kick or flutter. It almost feels like he's doing the flashdance jog in there sometimes - he's a maniac, maniac, IN - THE - WOMB! Also, he's able to reach way out to the sides sometimes, to areas I just considered 'cushioning' before, he'll settle a little limb there and god forbid I poke it, he pokes right back, that's MY corner mama!

Anyway, here's another little video.

My Butternut Squash

Ok, so whenever you read weekly updates in books or online for how your uterus and/or fetus is growing there's always a comparison to a fruit or vegetable. First it's a lemon, then a pear, then a melon or something. So now the baby is a butternut squash - I just can't get that image out of my mind, a butternut squash with squirmy little arms and legs spinning around in my belly.

The Ups and Downs of Pregnancy

Ah, pregnancy, it's a beautiful/amazing/frightening/uncomfortable and-practically-every-other-adjective-you-could-think-of thing. It's an incredibly slow and an incredibly fast moving experience and for anyone who has not yet traveled down this road I'd like to describe some of the ups and downs. Warning: the ups are mushy, the downs are complain-y, but all are honest.

The Ups:

• It's truly amazing to marvel at the beauty of nature, how a female body just knows what to do to make a new life and a new body from the raw materials of her own. With just the right timing + one missing ingredient her body will take care of the rest with no conscious action from the mind. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was already 6-7 weeks and by the time I went to the doctor there was already a heartbeat - a secret little life growing in the depths of my being - amazing!
• Feeling that fetus moving around is so special, it's not just about the kicks but whole body rearrangement, hiccups, and the occasional somersault, this kid already has personality! And once the movement begins, that's when it becomes real, and my body isn't really 'my' body anymore, it's the protective shell of something much more important that I couldn't possibly infringe upon by being selfish (and it's more difficult to be selfish too because he lets me know if I'm walking too fast, not eating enough, not sleeping enough, or not stretching adequately, I basically have to make the time to take good care of myself because it means taking good care of him).
• Becoming a family - so what if Josh and I aren't married, we've felt like family for a long time, but now we have a mutual reason for being. This tiny little person who technically doesn't even exist yet is now going to be the most important thing in our lives, and we need each other in a whole new way - a little scary but also sort of the ultimate subconscious goal of humanity.
• Boobs get bigger (but they're sore so be gentle).
• Having a super special secret relationship with yourself, ok that one is weird but it's pretty cool to be doing some ordinary thing like riding on the train or working and feel the blips and flutters of your new little friend from within, sure people can see that you're pregnant but no one can penetrate that bond.
• No period for 9 months!
• People give you a seat on the subway, well not always, but if you really want to sit you just shake that big ol' belly in someone's face and you'll get that seat.
• Experiencing childbirth - ok many might say that's not an up because a lot of focus is on the fear and pain, but if you have a natural childbirth it's also a transcendental and unique experience that connects you to something deep and meaningful that is a feminine privilege. It's also a great chemical cocktail of oxytocin and adrenaline and literally releases the love hormone that permanently alters the mother's brain to be in tune with the child and develop a protective instinct. I think that's pretty cool. (Clearly I haven't gone through this part yet so I'll let you know how it goes)
• Attunement to feminine energy - this experience is something that women have gone through since the dawn of (wo)man and when fear and doubt about whether I can actually do this creep into my mind I find comfort in knowing that many women have come before me and survived and many will come after, there will even be some somewhere in the world who are experiencing childbirth at the same exact time! I've spoken to women at my prenatal yoga class and other related events and there's definitely this amazing sense of community and shared experience that blows me away, it's pretty freakin powerful, and I realize more and more the emotional, spiritual, and physical strength women possess and the connection we all have to each other.
• Being pregnant means you can ask people to do stuff for you, like lifting that box over there, giving a much needed shoulder rub, or making a snack. Hey, take advantage, you could use the break and people are usually glad to help.

The Downs:

• Lots of peeing, and I mean freaking constantly peeing! In the early stages it is due to the kidneys kicking into gear with the changes in blood volume and the constant need to expel toxins from the body, and later on it is due to the physical weight of the growing uterus pushing on the bladder. 
• Nausea, usually in the first trimester but it can come back randomly at any time.
• Random aches and pains - back pain is the most common and consistent, but there's also random leg cramps in the middle of the night, uterine stretching, muscle tension, hip joint discomfort (those loosen during pregnancy in preparation for expansion in childbirth), headaches, and more (and you can't take pain killers so you have to learn to deal with it and ask for backrubs). 
• Gas, yep, gas.
• Random dizziness - so stay hydrated!
• Itchy belly and other parts of the body, from the stretching of the skin.
• Slow walking, it physically hurts to walk too fast after the 5th month, especially if you're carrying something heavy.
• Can't lift heavy stuff, it's not just that you 'shouldn't', it might not feel that bad to lift while you're doing it, but you'll regret it afterwards.
• Clothes don't fit, you go from wishing you'd start showing already so everyone would know to seeking comfort in the expandable waistline. Pants are the first thing to go, then shirts because they slowly rise over the belly from the friction of walking, then you find yourself trying on everything you own and running to the computer to order online from maternity.com.
• Sleeping discomfort, this one was really tough for me to get used to (still is). Not only are you peeing an average of twice in the night, but after around the 5th month you can't really sleep on your back, you can only sleep on the sides preferably with a pillow between the knees to help keep the back aligned. Might not sound that bad but try ONLY sleeping on your sides for days weeks and months and it can really get uncomfortable.
• Braxton-Hicks contractions, these basically occur throughout pregnancy but most women don't feel them until the third trimester. They are basically practice contractions that just happen as the body prepares for labor (again, what brilliant design!) and can feel like menstrual cramps.
• You HAVE to do some exercise, no matter how busy you are it makes all the difference if you do or do not stretch every day, at least for me. If I don't stretch for at least 20 minutes every day all the aches multiply.
• Weight gain, this is a totally necessary part of the process and I'm generally content with my preggo body but all those little comments like 'wow, you're really big now' or 'ouch, don't sit on my lap you're too heavy' can really add up and make you feel like a big round mound of moo-moo wearing fatness.
• All of the above have been physical, but there's also the stress of choosing a healthcare provider, finding the right hospital, learning about the process of childbirth, preparing the home for a baby, preparing for a leave of absence at work. All that stuff adds up and can be quite stressful so it's best to just do one thing at a time, but really all that baby needs when it comes out is a nipple and luckily you've got those already attached. 

The Big Announcement!

Hello new blog, have I got news for you! I'm having a baby!

I'm 28 weeks and that's somewhere around 6 1/2 months. The pregnancy calendar is really weird because there's no way for our advanced technology to measure the exact day of conception (you win again nature!) so the calendar begins on the first day of the last menstrual cycle - at which point there's no way you could have possibly been pregnant yet - but ultimately that means the calendar ends 10 months later, which is about 40 weeks. So i'm 28/40th pregnant, but my due date is 8/1 which is 10 weeks away not 12 so it doesn't really make sense but who cares, the baby will come when he's good and ready and for me that's going to be anywhere between the end of July and the beginning of August.

  So then, here's what you missed so far:

• Constant peeing and swollen boobs, those were my first symptoms before I knew.
• Um.. honey, the stick has two lines on it. . . (silence, pause for shock factor)
• The telling to the fam at Christmas, tears of joy and no champagne for me.
• Some nausea in the first trimester but it didn't last that long - about 3-4 weeks of sickyness. oh and by the way the whole 'morning sickness' thing is a complete misnomer, it's any-time-of-day sickness.
• My pooch started to be more and more noticeable after about 4 months, i think the 5th month was the growth spurt that took me from no one knowing to needing pants with an expandable waistline.
• It's a boy! (Josh knew all along of course, a man's premonition of his male offspring is a powerful thing)
• I felt movement pretty early on, though it was more of a fluttering than 'kicking' until about 16 weeks. The first real kick came when I was in bed ready to sleep one night and I just felt this sudden energetic ticklish lump pop out from my belly and that was the first time this little guy became really really real to me, 'hello, I'm in here!'
• I wasn't totally happy with my OB and I knew right away I didn't want a medicated hospital birth but I kept seeing the same doctor (who was my gyno) and all my tests and labs came back good and healthy (except that I'm mildly hypothyroid which means I have to supplement with a particular hormone my body does not produce enough of).
• Growing Growing Growing

So I'm in the third trimester now and man am I slowing down! I mean, I'm a New Yorker and if I was stuck walking behind myself I'd be really annoyed. But slowly my body has become used to this new state of being and if I'm not careful when standing after sitting, or god forbid I have to run, or lift anything, then I'll pay the consequences - in the form of back pain, or muscle acheyness in the belly, or a leg cramp, you name it! I just have to be slow and careful and stretch daily and try to relax, not always easy but I want this baby to be cool and happy and not one of those whiney annoying cry babies who have anxiety before the tender age of 6 months and that means: Me, Now, Relaxed, Satnam.

Anyway, that's where I'm at, more to come, in the meantime here's a 5 second video of this baby's tenacity (no I don't quite know if that's a head or a butt).