Growing up so fast

Elliot is about 16lbs. now and snugly wearing the 6 month clothes, he's growing so fast I'm starting to fantasize about having another one so I can have a newer model! (but seriously, no, not for a few years) The pediatrician showed us a growth chart and where our baby ranks, he's in the 90 something percentile (meaning he's larger than over 90% of babies his age) but despite all that he's really still just a tiny baby. He's smiling and laughing all the time and he can really interact when it comes to face-to-face communication. He's mostly just good at saying Goo-aah, but sometimes he'll say boo, or lah, and I love taking turns making sounds with him. When I repeat a word over and over and exaggerate the movement of my mouth for him I can really see him trying to emulate it and focusing all his efforts. Those are the most fun moments, when I'm not just 'taking care' of him but interacting with him.

We have just one more week together before I go back to work and have to get used to the feeling of being apart. It's very strange to go through this life changing experience of childbirth and bonding, living in a cocoon of privacy, only to realize that the world is still spinning and you can't just stare at your baby all day. I have to blend back into ordinary society and earn a living and that makes me a little sad. I know, I know, I'll get used to it, blah blah blah, I'm just saying.. I'm going to enjoy this last week as much as possible.

The importance of routine

I've heard it said before that when it comes to raising kids, routine is everything. Well I'm starting to realize just how true that is. We now have a general best case scenario baby schedule, of course there is some variation from day to day but generally here's how it goes: baby wakes up at around 8am for breakfast and is awake for about 45 afterwards (for some reason that is when he is his most happiest and googliest). Then he takes a mid-morning nap from around 9:30-11 after which he's awake for a couple of hours just hanging out and having lunch. This is followed by an early afternoon nap which is often taken in the stroller during a walk around the neighborhood. After this he is awake for another few hours and has a snack. Before dinner he'll take a 30 minute snooze and this is usually followed by dinner, a bath, some cuddling, some dessert, and then he's usually asleep for the night by around 9pm (followed by 1 or 2 nighttime nursings before he's up again at 8am).

But of course reality gets in the way of routine and creates a domino effect of inconvenience, and if we have to go somewhere or otherwise disturb his eating/sleeping schedule that will result in crankiness, non-sleeping and overtiredness, more nursing (i think for the calming effect of it rather than extra hunger), and general unpredictability. In this sense,  routine actually provides a sense of freedom. When we follow the routine for a few days in a row without disturbance we know when we will definitely have time to take care of non-baby things. If we want to go somewhere and leave at around the time he usually naps then we can expect an easy ride getting there without any crying. Of course it's hard to live each day in the same sequence as the day before but I guess we'd better get used to it if we want a happy baby. I don't really mind though, I knew having a child would completely change my lifestyle and so far this family thing is pretty darn fulfilling with Elliot as king of the castle.

p.s. baby sleep farts are funny :)

cool baby hot mama

I'm getting a little tired of all kinds of strangers and not-so-strangers saying 'oh what a big baby' since when is everyone such an expert on newborn growth progress? Well yes indeed he continues to grow, he's smiling all the time and even laughing, and he's almost reaching out for things. He seems to be putting in all this effort to move his body towards something and of course he's not sure what to do once he gets there. He can hold on to things if you put it in his hands but he's not quite grabbing anything on his own, except of course for whatever happens to be in his way when he's flailing his arms around - like hair and glasses.

As I get closer and closer to going back to work I have a lot of mixed emotions, I miss Elliot a lot if I'm away from him for even a little while so working full time and only seeing him briefly in the evenings before he goes to sleep is going to be really hard. Plus the physical discomfort of the whole pumping thing is going to be a pain in the... boobs. How am I going to concentrate on excel spreadsheets and sales research when all I'll be thinking about is how many smiles and gurgles I'm missing? If it was financially feasible I would stay home with him for about a year, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do and now that my priorities have shifted it is for him that I will be working, sacrificing time together so that he could have a nice home and healthy food, fun toys, and weekend adventures. But I am trying to be optimistic too, I think it will be sucky for a while but once I get into a groove it will be easier, and I know Josh will be a great dad with him when I'm away. I am trying to build up the tiny voice in the back of my mind that says I miss the mental stimulation a little bit, that diapers and naps and being home all the time would only satisfy me for so long and I am some sort of career woman.
Here's an update on the body: well it's really changed in many ways, I have some extra weight which I don't really mind except that it's flabby and I have cellulite and stretchmarks. I keep trying to start exercising but who has the time? I went from wearing size 5 and extra smalls to squeezing into a size 8 and being a solid medium. I'm just glad I don't have to wear a bathing suit for a while. Oh and that darn tailbone is still a pain, I'm considering going to some post-natal physical therapy because sitting is a pretty darn common position for the human body and I'm tired of shifting uncomfortably all the time. What I do like is that this extra weight makes me feel less cold now that the autumn chill is creeping in, I used to get chilly pretty easily but now I radiate heat - that whole evolutionary protection of the young thing.

Time for mom jeans?

Oh that tushie, so cute! Anyway, I know it's been a while, but hey I have a baby so it's hard to make the time. I really can't believe that Elliot is already over 6 weeks old, pretty soon he'll be starting his first day of school, then being a teenager and coming home drunk, and before I know it we're driving him across the country to college. Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself, but the past two weeks have just flown by.
I'm not sure how much he weighs now but I'd guess somewhere around 13-14lbs, he's getting heavier to lift and doesn't look like a newborn anymore, he's just a real baby now. He's still not sleeping through the night though and wakes up every 2-4 hours to nurse, although generally he goes right back to sleep when he's done. Except after that first daylight morning nurse, at around 7am, after that he's pretty wide awake and that seems to be when he's his most happiest, smiliest, and talkiest (he's gooing!). I've been reading up on how to put him on a schedule so that he sleeps 12 hours a night without nursing and otherwise eats 4 times during the day at the same time each day. I know, it sounds pretty ambitious, we'll do our best. At the moment he's going through yet another growth spurt, which means he's nursing practically every hour and it's funny because he seems annoyed at his own body's involuntary impulse to consume more, when he's nursing he has this love-hate relationship with the nipple, he'll suck it in then punch my boob and spit it out, then hungrily suck again and then push against it and whimper, plus he makes all these grunting noises like a savage little critter.

The other thing that's happening with me is a major wardrobe crisis, it may or may not be obvious to people who have seen me lately but I am definitely bigger than I used to be and honestly my body has changed in ways from which there is no going back. NOT ONE of my pre-pregnancy pants fit, not one, I am jeansless! Plus most of my shirts are too small because my boobs are bigger and my waist is wider. I've never really needed to work out before, but I need to now. Even my very clueless husband says 'well, you're not faaaaat, you just need to do some exercise'. Anyway, I'm not that upset about the general size increase, I just don't like the flabby belly I still have - crunchtown here I come! Plus I'll have to buy a bunch of new clothes, especially for when it's time to go back to work, so just the having-to-spend-money-on-new-clothes thing is annoying. I guess I should look at it as an excuse to go shopping and just accept that it's all worth it for that ticket to the highly respected mom club I am now a part of.

Out and About

Geez this baby is growing fast, on Friday we had a doctor's appointment and he weighed 11lbs. 10oz. already, he'll be 12lbs by the end of this week! Since I've started pumping I looked up online how many ounces he would need per feeding and it's abut 2.5oz. on the higher end for most babies. Well we tried that and it did NOT satisfy him one bit, he still needed 20 minutes of boobie to be (temporarily) full. I mentioned this to the pediatrician and she said "but you have a big baby" meaning whatever I see online to be the average I should just add another 50% for Elliot. Fee Fie Fo Fum, I hope i'm not raising a future bully, jock, or fat kid in school, but what's a mother to do? Ain't no way I'm putting a hungry baby on a diet!

In other news, we had our very first big day out with the baby and aside from the fact that I was an exhausted walking zombie at the end (having had little sleep the night before and being deprived of my own much needed nap that day) it was fantastic. Josh played a show at the Hastings festival and afterwards we went to a late night bbq. Elliot was being passed around like a photo prop and he got to see his daddy play music for the first time :) He hardly cried at all except to tell me that he's hungry but as usual everyone commented on a what a good baby he is (because no one sees his dark side!). Sure, I spent a lot of time in the back seat of our friends' car breastfeeding but at the end of the day I finally got the courage to just do it in public for the very first time.

Aside from a 40 minute nap during the car ride on the way there, Elliot was awake and alert all day, he was all wide eyed and looking around, soaking it all up, making all sorts of neural connections about what life is all about. It was definitely a big day so by the time we got in the car to go to the bbq he was completely passed out and he stayed asleep the entire time we were there, which was several hours (he was indoors while the crowd was outside and it was weird to be hanging out almost as if we didn't have a baby, to be honest he was asleep so long that I started to miss him) and he only started to wake up when we were almost home. It was such a big day for me as well as him that we both spent the next day mostly napping. I'm glad the day went so well and it definitely gives me plenty of confidence about being out with him in the future, as long as there's stuff going on he's plenty happy and entertained so there's no need to fuss.

Sleepless American

Well, it's official, Elliot is a real person and a real American - he got his birth certificate and his social security card! (the government is watching you now my son)
In other news, someone asked me how many times a day he nurses and so I've been counting: an average of 12 in a 24 hour period. So that's basically every two hours except that it's a bit further apart in the late night and closer together during the day. I'm seriously immobile for most of the time that I am awake because I'm on the couch trying not to sit on my tailbone as he suckles away happy as can be. But this week I've started to pump so hopefully Josh can take over the occasional feeding and allow me a much needed nap. Pumping is weird, but I have to start storing up a stash in the freezer for when I return to work, plus being able to have a bottle sort of expands our ability to travel. So far we haven't been able to go very far because of the frequent nursing, and I'm not adept at it enough to be able to do it discreetly in public, not that I'm shy (people who have visited can attest to that!) but in public people would definitely stare and I'm not down with that. So, now that Elliot is about 4 weeks old it's ok to introduce a bottle and pacifier without fear of nipple confusion (as long as we don't do it too often).

One thing I wish this kid would do more of take real naps during the day, he's sort of stopped doing that lately. After the 8am nursing he's pretty much awake and wanting to be entertained and it used to be that by 1pm he would take a nice 2-3 hour nap (and so would I!) but now he's given up on that and traded it in for tiny 10, 20, or 30 minute naps randomly throughout the day until he goes to sleep at night. This is rough for me because it means I can't have a real nap either, being that I'm an on-demand feeding machine. I'm constantly amazed at how much energy he has, compared to the average newborn/infant he sleeps less and eats more, which means he's just bursting with energy, how could something so small and unknowing command so much of himself to life?

little King of the jungle

Elliot is three weeks old now and this kid is a serious Leo. Not only was he a big strong baby with lots of energy in utero but now that he's out in the world he's not going to lay around being a baby waiting for things to happen. He's got a strong body, including a neck that can already support his big noggin, and legs that he can propel himself forward with, I shit you not if you hold him up by his upper body with his legs on a hard surface he will push himself up and move one foot in front of the other!! I'm not just a proud mama saying this but watch out world, this kid is going to be a mover and a shaker!
Here's a little personality characteristic profile of your average Leo:

The Leo type is the most dominant, spontaneously  creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters.  In grandeur of manner, splendor of bearing and  magnanimity of personality, they are the monarch's  among humans as the lion is king of beasts. They  are ambitious, courageous, dominant, strong willed,  positive, independent, and self-confident there is no such  a word as doubt in their vocabularies, and they are  self-controlled. Born leaders, either in support of,  or in revolt against, the status quo.

Ok, apparently, they can have a dark side too, but hopefully Elliot will use his powers for good. But where in the world of semi-hippie-laid-back-mom-and-dadness did this kid come from? I think it's the Russian side of the family, our people tend to have a tenacity for survival and a strength in conviction.
In other news, I think I'm finally starting to get accustomed to this whole sleep-deprived motherhood thing, but really it's all about paying attention to the needs of this particular baby. For example, I know that if he nurses for only 18 minutes and falls asleep that he won't stay asleep for long because he needs at least 30 minutes of boobie-time to really put him out for over an hour. Today I took a nap while Josh's parents took him for a walk and wondered why I woke up before they came back, as I lay there for a minute thinking about it I heard Elliot crying from outside as they approached the front door - it's like a psychic connection (plus, this is TMI, but my boobs sort of tingle just before he lets me know he's hungry). I also can tell the difference between hungry, lonely and wanting to be held, and just plain cranky.
What's strange is that I sort of had this idea in my mind that I'd fall in love with the baby the minute I would see his face but to be honest it didn't really happen that way for me. For the first few hours and days I definitely felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness and responsibility but in a way he was sort of a tiny stranger, and since then I've been getting to know him and slowly falling in love with his personality. It really amazes me that he's his own person, I mean hardly yet, but he's definitely this budding potential of the person he will be. I can't wait to watch him grow and develop and blow me away. With feet like these, I know he's going places!